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musings of a lawless gentile
Moving forward 
10th-Nov-2010 09:32 am
I'm going to miss Moment Church. So is Luke. In the four or five weeks since its soft launch, it has been challenging us in powerful and uncomfortable ways. God obviously had a purpose (doesn't He always?) in placing us there right as this big move came into the picture. I don't know if we would have been able to face the overwhelming repercussions of it otherwise.

Leaving does one important thing: it forces us to internalize what we've learned in our short time there; we can't rely on every Sunday to give us a new shot in the arm. I need to stoke this fire on my own, through prayer and trust. I'm learning what it's like to throw everything I have – the trash and the little bits of gold I cling to so tightly – at God's feet each morning. I'm learning how to shrug off my dead skin and say: "This is Yours. Do with it what You will."

We're leaving behind our safety net: emotionally more than financially. Being surrounded by friends and family that love you, having neighbors that are your best buddies and always there for you, having a church that keeps you honest – it's become something I depend on. To some extent (as horrible as this sounds), it has crippled me. I say this not to diminish these incredible people and the invaluable support they've given us, but to chastise myself for making it my world. I should not be content with fluffing up a little bed in a patch of grass and sleeping through my life, ignoring the desert all around me. I should not be content with pointing at beauty and marvelling, like a tourist; I should be out in the world working to dig beauty out of the mire, to carve it from the hardness of others' hearts. God's work. God's story.

I know my loved ones would agree.

But the Father makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and our love, if we are to be sons of God, must not be limited to friends and to those who favor us or give us joy.

Love and Living, Thomas Merton

I'm scared, but my heart is full. I can no longer crop God out of the corners of my life; He hasn't left me that option. I can no longer talk about Him without trusting Him to provide, to finish His work in me, to change the hearts of those around me.

I will risk for Him. I will step out blindly, reach my hands out for His steadying grip, and let it guide me through the dark.

Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.

– Mark 9:24

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